Exactly a year ago now you came into my life in all your 8.3lbs glory and you altered my life forever.
When I found out I was pregnant, mixed emotions filled me, I was worried, delighted, elated, scared, happy, hopeful, all at the same time. I was thankful that my prayers had been answered but more so, I was humbled that I was entrusted with another life to care for. I was thinking I probably did something right that the heavens are rewarding me. I probably did good to deserve you.
Motherhood and parenting is no walk in the park you didn’t even want to go out that day to begin with (the doctors had to perform a caesarian operation on mummy so they can let you out, meaning they had to cut mummy’s tummy so they can make a hole for you to come out but don’t fret, love, mummy didn’t feel a thing thanks to the wonder that is modern medicine. I am just left with a several-inch scar just below my navel after the operation) and wouldn’t latch to my breasts long enough so I can feed you properly (I regret that we were not successful on this one, my dearest, I would’ve breastfed you till you’re a year old and beyond if only for the benefits you will be getting out of it). It meant staying up for the next few days after giving birth so I can just make sure you are real and that you weren’t a dream that would disappear the next day I woke up and so I can marvel in your grandeur, and care for you, attend to your every need and hopefully hear every move and see every single sound you make on your first days of life. It meant crying my eyes out realizing I can only stay with you 247 for the next two months since mummy had to go back to work. It meant tearing my heart a little every time I leave you. It meant leaving my heart home even if I will be working several hours away. It meant consuming myself with worry if I was ever feeding you enough, bathing you right, helping you with your development properly, giving enough of myself for you, if I was ever going be a good mother to you. You see it is my first time to be a mum, too. Just like you, I have nary an idea if I am doing it correctly, since I only read the books and listen to others that had been mothers before me. And just like you I am praying I will pass this with flying colors.
Fast forward to a year later, look at you now, you’ve changed so much. How have you grown like that in such a short time, how could you have learned to say mama too soon enough, how could you have learned to boss me around too quickly and how could you have occupied the biggest space in my heart and in my life in a snap? You had me wrapped around your fingers, love, and I don’t mind, we still have a long, long way to go, in fact we have only just begun. Thank you that I am taking this journey with you I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will never stop thanking the heavens for you, you are my gift. Thank you son, my world is a much better place now that you are in it.
Love,
Mummy
